"A" is for...

A few years ago I set out to become Awesome with a capital A. Back then I was big on intention, low on motivation and more or less paying for school without any clear intentions for my degree. I was a smart student, talented enough, even had fabulous mentors, but it wasn't sufficient to counter a tumultuous home life. Just within these few weeks finally moved out my efficiency increased tremendously, showing just how crippling that environment was for me. But aimless student that I was, the gods saw fit to equip me well, and I had gained a new and valuable friend in Katherine R.

Let me take some time to be touchy-feely. She remembers being rash and reactive, but I remember learning how a girl could get a backbone. And besides giving to me my first Tarot deck, she was also the first person to whom I confessed this Earth spirituality. By all accounts this has been a pivotal friendship.

That being said, we sat in our new favorite teahouse this afternoon (the old favorite teahouse being about 600 miles away in Las Vegas) and reminisced on a conversation we had in those earlier days, silly at the time but now rather instrumental in the way we see our goals. "Let's be awesome," we said, "like Awesome with a capital A. Underlined. And with exclamation points." My personal vision of Awesomeness included a completed degree or two and sophistication in every cultured setting, but the rest was pretty vague picture of badassery. Over time I've better developed this vision of Awesome but only after facing the tough questions


And the less existential tough questions:

What would Awesome eat?

Does Awesome believe in Saturday morning cartoons?

Could I possibly smell like Awesome?

Without realizing it, I had come to view Awesomeness as something attainable, an ultimate goal toward which I make actual progress. This afternoon we discussed an anything-but-old mentor of mine whose being is proof positive of the viability of Awesomeness. Crissy Manwerring is a free-lance writer. She has traveled far and adventurously. She manages a home library. She is an amateur gourmet. She has painted the very artwork on her walls. I remarked to Katherine R. that most importantly she had decided to be successful with at least those five things. Never one to waste an opportunity for introspection, she asked me what I've decided to be successful with. Never one to pass up introspective questions, I came up with this:

I shall be a yogi. I want to find my center and be my center regardless of where I am or who I am dealing with. I am the mystic and I am the reality. The center of the universe is within me, and I shall always remember this.

I shall be a minister. With the whole of my being and with the evidence of my actions I shall serve the people I care for and dignify humanity through attentive teaching and counseling. Most importantly I will teach the value of empathy and its expression through direct service.

I shall learn and live the principles of reciprocity especially through the vehicle of my home. I shall share of my food and share of my love in a manner that others will sense. I shall recognize good company. I will be very good at it.

I shall always present myself as what I am and never compromise my identity for the comfort of present company or my self if need be.

I shall keep to my path and my path alone. Even it's scary, or worrisome. Even if I feel like there's a lot to lose. I own my path, and if nothing else, this is my legacy.

I think it's worth something to know that these goals sit close enough to the surface to name them all on a Sunday afternoon. Even more to know that at least a few other people think I've attained some measure of the ultimate Awesome.

Which, by the way, smells like a fresh shower, wears pencil skirts and tends to eschew the cartoons for good company and an excellent cup of tea. For today at least.

Somthing to write home about

The sign says, "Welcome to the Land of Enchantment." The locals take it with a grain of salt.

In a nutshell, I packed up all my favorite stuff and ran away to New Mexico. 580 miles is a long way to come without food, money or a plan for room or board in order to begin an education I haven't paid for. All I knew was that this was where the Gods wanted me to go - the way things were looking when I started this journey, the smart thing to do would have been to stay home, save my money and go to community college. Hardly the way I would have wanted it, the experience was a f****** ordeal, and I had a few breakdowns to show for it. In fact there's little I wish to say of the matter to the wide, wide world.

However I will say that I can see how I was prepared for this trial with several [relatively] smaller ones before stepping into this one. Kind of like unit tests building up to the exam. Gods know it's the only way I survived it. They even furnished me with far better than I would have settled for. I'm not out of the woods, but I rather think this is a good beginning.

[Many, many thanks to Ms. Katherine R. (and the other fine young women) for much patience... and use of the couch. Glad to share Albuquerque with the likes of you.]

Prayer

In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, Amen...

Do they all have to be like that? Prayers are a foundational aspect of one's spiritual practice. For me, it was also the source of frustration and disconnect for a very long time. It felt like my words stopped at the ceiling, and I never felt the presence of anyone responding to them unless I was in great distress. And because I know I've struggled with it, I suspect others do, too.

So fundamentally, at its core, what is prayer?

It is the dialogue between yourself and the gods. It is advice, expression, and communion. Relationships like these take time and effort to initiate and maintain, just like any friendship. And to do that, it's important to let the gods know they are important to you. You can do this by making offerings and special rituals, but let's start with the basics: words.

I grew up in the Catholic faith, and so prayers were said a certain way as I transitioned into adolescence. Many of my favorites were (and are) memorized prayers, such as the Hail Mary, or the Our Father. Years later, as I was introduced to friends of different faiths, I was informed that memorized prayers were bad, because they didn't mean as much if you didn't make them up on the spot. At the time, their reasoning seemed sound. But as I got older (and even now), I will still occasionally turn to those and other memorized prayers, and find them steeped in meaning to me. I have found Wiccans who memorize certain words for casting circles, or memorize the entirety of The Charge of the Goddess, while others always speak in the spontaneity of the moment.

The point is this: prayer is not the words themselves, because language is arbitrary. It's the meaning behind them that gets your point across. This is especially important to remember, because very few of our gods originally spoke the English we do today. My gods were first worshiped in Old Norse, or in Celtic. But I've even prayed in Sign Language, knowing that it's not the language, but the meaning, that is significant.

But I didn't know how to communicate my desires for a very long time. For many years, it was difficult to pray, because I always wanted to start with whom I was addressing. God and Jesus never seemed right, and later on, neither did Goddess. However, I had a good friend lend me some of his books on Wicca, realizing before I did that I was headed down a Pagan path. He let me borrow A Book of Pagan Prayer, which is an excellent resource. Not just for the beautifully written prayers, mantras, and callings, but for the advice Serith gives at the beginning of every chapter.

I took some of those teachings and added some of my own. There are many relatively easy ways of creating a spiritual lifestyle (for a fantastic book on the matter, I highly recommend Dianne Sylvan's The Circle Within). Call to the gods not just by their names, but by their acts, deeds, and other titles. Tell the Lady how beautiful she looks when glancing up towards the Moon. Send small phrases of gratitude up to the gods when something goes right. Pray for perseverance when trying to finish your workout strong. The gods--your gods--are there, and they are listening to you. Our gods are alive and well, breathing in and out with each turn of our surrounding planets and stars. They live in your morning cereal, and send messages through the wind.

Which means you have to learn the language to hear them.

It may be good, if you have troubles connecting (and even if you don't), to set aside ten minutes in the morning, and ten in the evening just for prayer. It isn't just about thanking them and asking for assistance. It's also listening. If you ask a question, leave a space for the answer. Even if at first you get nothing but your A/C and crickets chirping, keep at it.

Some people use divinatory techniques to connect with their gods, and that is another language for them to communicate with you. The wider your vocabulary, the more the gods can speak to you. Some examples of this are astrology, numerology, Tarot, tea leaf readings, automatic writing, and many others. But don't let your mind become distracted by the many toys out there: your goal is talking with the gods. Keep it simple, keep it cheap.

The Lord and Lady love you. Don't forget that. They want happiness and health for all their children.

May they bless you with both.

- Katherine R

Day 99 of 100

I have a relationship with my Gods and my Goddesses. They speak to me, flow through me and are the reason for every blessing I've ever known. I've heard the term "god-slave" spoken in derision and can hardly wrap my head around the idea. Subservience simply does not equate to a true relationship with deity. In fact having a connection with the Divine at all shows a commitment inherent in the participation. In whatever form that dialogue takes, be it prayer, witchery or monastic vow, the very exchange of responses depends on your willful involvement. If witches, we workers of magic who mingle with gods and spirits, are truly a free people, then how can there be any "god-slaves" among us? I'll take the cop out answer and say, "No way that I can think of." An expert I'll not claim to be, but considering modern magickal peoples and cultures, my generalization seems reasonable enough.

The advice from the gods has been more reliable than my own in my experience. Those whisperings became instructions when I grew fluent enough learn from listening. Eventually I'll be able to register beyond an intellectual level that as the dialogue between yourself and the gods becomes clearer, you realize that you speak with the same voice.

The reception from here isn't so bad though. In fact I've had some meaningful communications of late, which include the go-ahead for a rather intensive project called the 100 Day Challenge. Hosted by Co-Create Our Reality, the mission is create your inspired reality in 100 days - just long enough to stretch your powers of commitment and determination and (thankfully!) short enough to provide people like me some sense of near accomplishment. Some goals that other participants are working on include getting a better job, losing weight or finding love by using the Law of Attraction and direct action to succeed. Not to mention the deadline for certain procrastinators. Exactly the structure I needed to flesh out my formerly sketchy goal of becoming a better magician.

So here's my goal and game plan. Modern Magic by Donald Michael Kraig has been the text of choice as far as my solitary study goes, however I've neglected any consistent practice - which keeps it from being a practice at all. Action is decidedly a part of my ongoing dialogue with deity and one I mean to improve. By October 8 I maintain a steady practice and have completed all studies through chapter 4. In 100 days I am a magician. Actually, by starting yesterday, in 99 days I am a magician making it that much closer.

The future's looking bright.

Foundations

I was going to write a post today about praying; what purpose it serves, how to do it, and problems that can come out of it. It was going to be a good post (I promise!), discussing the signs from our gods, and what to do when you hear the voice answering a question you've only half-asked.

The answer for today's post was no, when I did my own praying. So instead, I will ask the gods to bless my words as I put them forward to you.

A very important secret was imparted to me in the past regarding magic and rituals, but I forgot about it. Today, a very good teacher reminded me that it is those "secrets" that we should be taught from the start, as a foundation to our practice, rather than a supplement added in later as an afterthought.

I'd like to use the tools of divination as an example to tell you this secret, although this is universal for raising a circle, casting a spell, meditation, prayer, or any other use you may have as a Practitioner.

So, I hope you have, in your wanderings, found a set of divining tools that resonate with you; Tarot is rather popular nowadays, but other people have been known to use tea leaves, a pendulum or two (or three!), crystals, palm reading, or Oracle cards.

My weapon of choice is the Elder Futhark runes, so I'm going to use them as my reference point. Whatever you use, take it out. Have it ready in front of you. Also, grab some silverware. Yeah, forks and spoons and knives, whatever. Or a few pairs of shoes. Or maybe a short lineup of candles (you won't need to light them). Set your mish-mash of things next to your bag of runes.

I want you to grab two of the stones in the bag (or cards in your deck, etc.). If you want to ask a particular question, please feel free. But the main point here is to pay attention to the energy of your tools. What do they feel like, energetically? How does that affect you?

My runes are really talkative; they always want to come out and play. I imagine them as about ten years old, energetically. They get confused when I go out dancing, because to them, my current lover is their dad (sometimes, it feels more like "first love"). However, they also speak the truth of things. An excitement runs through my fingers as I grab the bag, every time. The stones give way to my fingers, and they clink gently beside each other. It immediately gets me ready to do a reading, like the smell of white sage or gazing at the Moon on an esbat.

When I draw out two stones, I get Thorn, and Raidho. I've been with these runes long enough that I know what they mean to tell me: prepare for a journey. What do your cards say? Is your crystal sending you a message?

Really spend some time bonding with this reading, because the next part is important. Find out what your divination is truly telling you, on your mental, physical, and spiritual planes. Do you have certain guides that are speaking through them? Be aware of their influence. Think of all the time you've spent studying them, the meanings in different books, looking them up online, doing exercises with yourself to make sure you got it right. Your first reading for yourself. Or another.

Feel that strong connection you have with your cards or runes. Now transfer that same connection, like copying a file into a different folder, to your silverware. Once you feel it settle in, do a new reading--you can ask a different question or use the same one.

If you don't feel it, remind yourself that you are the one with the power. Don't tell yourself, "I'm trying." Instead say, "I will feel it."

And you will. That energy is still there. Your sporks can be tools, too.

Now, here's the secret. You don't actually need anything to complete your readings. Remember, all of these are tools, more for focusing your mind than the completion itself. It's your Will that manifests your wishes. A green candle is not necessarily needed in order to draw in prosperity, nor is that rare (and frankly, quite expensive) herb to nab you the love of your dreams. However, they're excellent for ensuring you stay intent on your goal. Sometimes, your human mind needs something to keep itself entertained while your spirit taps into that great pool of knowledge. But the point, the goal of our practice, is to lose the wand and cauldrons.

It is with that foundation that we should learn about divination and spells. It means that we save our money instead of worrying about buying that chalice, or making sure you have the right kind of athame (I speak here from a Wiccan perspective, although the same can be said for shamans, Reiki healers, and all other Practitioners). The reminder of that important lesson opened my eyes, even as I clutched to my Thor's Hammer, hoping to maintain a bit of the power I've packed in it. It reminded me that I have that power, not the charm.

So now, as is the custom of our people, I pass my lesson on to you. May the gods show you how to find that connection whenever and wherever you need it.

Be well,

Kate R

Epic Blog

For real. The Beta version was our first shot, and it pretty much went all belly. We'll now post our entries at this fabulous new location and no longer gripe with livejournal accounts. Now without further ado, let's have it from the top.



So it begins!

It feels like standing on a threshold, the door thrown wide open and nothing to stop me but a veil just thick enough to obscure the view. That veil makes me nervous. In my more vulnerable moments I find it terrifying. So I procrastinate, I distract myself with details and ruminate on how exactly I'm affected taking that first step into the unknown. At this point my excuses have finally run out (or have I grown tired of coming up with them?), and, finding myself unable to ignore the doorway any longer, the Gods gave me a good kick in the ass and sound advice to get me started.

Learn, teach. Take, give. Follow, lead.

Balance.

About two years into this solitary pagan practice, I still find it difficult to connect to the greater pagan community. I don't feel totally wet behind the ears, though I will greatly appreciate my mentor when I find one at long last. It'll be a couple years before I earn that sheepskin and make myself a legit scholar. So much of my identity seems to be evolving at once that I truly need to assess myself and my values on a consistent basis. My primary goal is to keep a log expressly intended to record my spiritual and magickal observations and to incorporate this practice into my serious study as an extension of my commitment of Dedication. As this archive grows I hope to eventually foster an open dialogue for the rest of us in-between-ers who find ourselves floating somewhere in the middle of all the labels.

I suppose the Path is easy enough to follow when I put one foot in front of the other - much as I'd have liked to have known about the bouldering in advance.

I asked if I should ask about those kinds of obstacles in advance.

The Gods replied, "You wouldn't have gone for it if we told you."

I said, "Huh... I can't seem to find anything to say to that."

And They helpfully supplied, "L'chaim."

~Joli D



Whispering Lite is Needed

We have duties. Not just as spiritual beings, but specifically as those in a minority faith. Not only is it important, I think, to determine what these are and why, but also how to fulfill them, one step at a time.

So what is a duty? It's a task set to us as an understood addition to our responsibilities. And as Pagans, these are especially important. Our Gods are alive, vibrant. Their messages are sometimes clear as spring's first rainfall, or hidden in the twilight's shifty shadows. How do we know what They ask of us?

We listen. That, first and foremost, is our task. We cannot complete an assignment without its directions - as such, we need to learn the language of the commands. And what is the best way to listen? Surely, not expecting heavenly envelopes to drop from the sky! No, the best way to hear our Lord and Lady is to quiet ourselves, our surroundings, and to welcome Their presence. To praise, to show gratitude, to express frustration, to ask, and to give. In others words, to pray.
The revelation found in prayer is important. It takes us by the hand and leads us deep within ourselves. My God has shown me what I am afraid of, what I have failed at, where I have gone wrong. He has also shown me whose lives I've changed for the better, (literally) moved me to a new place of spiritual worship, and brought me sky high.

We learn how to communicate--through candles, water, dance, song, and prayer. But it isn't enough.

I know, I know. Entire lives--entire generations--have been dedicated to personal communion with the Divine. And I have the nerve to say it's not good enough?

You're damn right it's not.

Because the other half of our duty--after internalizing our faith and finding our Gods, lighting our incense, offering libations on holy days--is to commune with others. To find and foster fellowship.

That, more than anything, is what I feel compelled to do now. Even if we all have different beliefs--and it's guaranteed that we do with Gods as diverse as ours--we must join together. Stand up for our legal rights as Pagans, communicate our needs to each other, create communities and groups, write plays, start fanclubs on Facebook, write inspirational poetry, love songs, worship hymns, make pottery, crochet scarves, offer jobs to each other, support local Pagan businesses, build temples...

Our duty as Pagans (or, better put, as people), is to learn, pray, and commune together. That is why Whispering Lite is needed. Right now.
So let it begin.

~Katherine